There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
