Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
