Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
