Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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