Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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