Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
