Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
