On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
