I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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