Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
