i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
