those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
