please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
