I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
