who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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