your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
