At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
