I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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