Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
