Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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