I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
