dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
