either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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