just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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