But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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