Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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