my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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