So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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