So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
