my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
