and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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