Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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