He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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