he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
