She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so much tequila, so little girl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
