I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
