ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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