I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
