but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
