i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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