It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
