I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
