It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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