Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
