Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
