haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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