I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
