Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
