that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
