They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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